Why Now?

Assuming I figure out how to make this post publish when I would like it to, my son Oliver passed away exactly 4 ½ years ago. Two years after he passed away, I wrote this on my facebook page:

“...It's hard to know what to say about the anniversary of Oliver's death. I have more words than I used to, but it is still hard to know where, when, and how much to say. I have been putting words on paper lately, so maybe more to come.”

Since then, I kept thinking that I would write more, but I never did.



I spent the two year anniversary of Oliver's death on the Oregon coast.

I was busy with homeschooling, Bible study, and raising a middle schooler. I made good friends who listened and asked questions, a gift from heaven in dealing with my grief and making writing less important than I would have guessed. As I worked through my grief, it didn’t become easier to know where, when, or how much to say. Instead it remained a challenge to find the right balance between living in the present and sharing the story of my past. And it remained ridiculously, unexplainably challenging for me just to say the words “my son passed away”.

Lately, through Bible study, prayer, and conversations with others, I know that God is calling me to find ways to share my story. Psalm 107:1-3 reminds us: “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story - those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south.” In addition to being braver in sharing in person with those close to me and new people I meet in our military life, I want to write too. A blog seems like a better place to gather these writings than my facebook page.

I need to write now because I have realized that my memories of Oliver’s life and death are fading. Some of my memories of that time are seared in my brain forever, some were always lost in the fog of grief, but most are fading as time does its work. If I want to write with a crisp memory, it’s time to start.

And so here it is, with intention and precious but fleeting memories, the start of a blog.



Crazy what ocean mist does to hair!