Return

For six years I have been participating in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF). The first three years we were living in eastern Washington, and I participated in person at a local church. The last three years I have been participating online. Each year BSF groups around the world study the same book or books of the Bible together. This year’s study is called “Exile and Return” and covers the books of Ezekiel, Daniel, Ezra, Esther, Haggai, Zechariah, Nehemiah, and Malachi. These books cover the time period after the exile into Babylon until the end of the Old Testament.

Every year God has used these studies to speak to my broken heart. One thing that really stood out to me about this year’s study (so far) is how quickly we got to the “Return” part of the study. For some reason I was expecting the return to be something we looked forward to all study long, like the resurrection when we studied Matthew or the new heaven and new earth when we studied Revelation. Instead, about two months into the study year, God’s people were returning from their exile in Babylon to Jerusalem, rebuilding the temple and reinstituting the sacrificial system, weeping for what was lost, and celebrating what now was. While the return is rocky, it is a return, just as God had prophesied.

This caught me off guard and caused me to ask myself: what part of my story am I only looking for the future, eternal, and complete restoration, instead of also looking for what God is doing right now? How am I acting like an exile when maybe I should also be looking for an opportunity to return or be restored?

As we studied the first wave of returning exiles in the book of Ezra, we also looked briefly at Psalm 126, which is about the return of the exiles.

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
We were like those who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
Our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
“The Lord has done great things for them.”
The Lord has done great things for us,
And we are filled with joy.

Restore our fortunes, Lord,
Like streams in the Negev.
Those who sow with tears
Will reap with songs of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
Carrying seed to sow,
Will return with songs of joy,
Carrying sheaves with them.

These verses have taken on a clearer meaning as I think about not only the restoration God is about in heaven, but also the one I can experience now. I think it also shows a new step in my grief journey, as it now seems possible to believe that God could restore some of what was lost to me when Oliver died while I am still living on the earth. Before I couldn’t imagine any part of the restoration happening until I was with Jesus and Oliver in heaven. I don’t know what this looks like, but I will be looking for God moving and keeping his promises here on earth.