Grief During Seasons of Change

I am sure it comes as no surprise to anyone who has lost someone close to them, that during the whirlwind, stress, and excitement of our move, my grief has been stirred and has come to the surface in intense and surprising ways. It’s annoying, disruptive, and healing. It is hard to know what to do with my feelings. We are filled with gratitude about all we have accomplished during our time here and all God has planned for us in the future, and yet we would trade it all for just a few moments with Oliver.

One of my most intense grief responses in months, or maybe even years, came earlier this summer at church. Our pastors have been preaching through 1 Thessalonians. We came to 1 Thes 4:13-18. I knew the verses immediately, and they have brought me much comfort in the past:

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

These words give me hope and encouragement now as I read and type them. They are such a vivid picture of the reunion that is coming one day. But during the sermon, tears started streaming down my face, and it was everything I could do to keep from sobbing. In that moment all I could think about was if Jesus came back even in just a few hours, it would be too long. I felt like I couldn’t wait a minute longer to be reunited with Oliver. I was shocked and embarrassed at the strength of my feelings and my inability to keep my composure and see the hope in the passage.

I share this experience with you today because I have learned it helps to name my feelings and get the words out of my head, to remind myself and you that although the tears feel yucky in the moment but they are ultimately healing, and as a testament to the truth that grief doesn’t follow a linear path, rather it ebbs, flows, and surprises as the Lord wisely leads us.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18