A Parenting Lesson Learned from Child Loss

I fear I am a worse parent after losing Oliver. Sure, I have a lot more empathy and mercy to give than I did before, but I have lost so much brain power and energy to grief. I have leaned on my daughter just to get out of bed on too many mornings. And she has become too precious to me for me to effectively give consequences or withhold any good thing from her that is in my power to give her. Somehow she is a pretty amazing kid anyway. Thankfully parenting isn't about doing everything right. My husband and I joke (but really mean it) that she is spoiled, but hopefully not rotten.

There is one area where maybe I do this parenting thing a little better than I used to. Whenever we are faced with a challenging situation with our daughter, I hope I am better than I used to be about asking myself if this situation is going to go away on its own with time. Is this just a stage? Is this age appropriate? Does this reflect the development that she is currently experiencing? And if those statements are true (they usually are), I try to relax, to trust and pray, to model the behavior I want to see in her, to sermonize a little (her words not mine although she wouldn't say a little), to hold some boundaries, and watch her grow. I don't need to fix things. I know now that life is too short and precious to stress and worry and lay down the law about things that time and God are going to take care of on their own.

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Matthew 6:28-30