Invite Grief This Christmas

I ran across a social media post the other day which said, "No one invites grief for Christmas". In its full context the author was pointing out how hard it was as a grieving person to be around people who are making merry and expecting you to do the same even if you are grieving. Thankfully, I have been blessed to be around family and friends who have been understanding of my grief. I also say, "Invite grief for Christmas!"

Grief has always been a part of Christmas. Mary and Joseph were away from family, had ruined reputations, and couldn't find a place to stay. It's hard to picture shepherds without thinking about some of the hardships they must have faced. Mary heard from Simeon, "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too." (Luke 2:34b-35). The kings brought gifts but also the wrath of Herod, and Mary, Joseph, and Jesus had to flee for Egypt while all the boys in Bethlehem under the age of two were killed. And the whole reason Jesus came was to bear our sorrows. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:4

Grief has always been a part of Christmas. Early Christians chose to celebrate Christmas on December 25th, during a dark, cold, hungry month of the year. Family members pass away and are no longer with us at Christmas. We fail to love one another well and get along. Wars and disasters are commonplace. The work of preparing for Christmas is stressful. We are often called to wait. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, grieving the death of his wife and the serious Civil War injury to his son, wrote in "I Heard the Bells of Christmas Day": And in despair I bowed by head: "There is no peace on earth," I said, "For hate is strong, and mocks the song Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Grief has always been a part of Christmas. Each person has their own unique circumstances that bring them grief. Military deployments, being far from home, the loss of my sister, the loss of my son, a season of waiting, and a friend with cancer have marked and continue to mark Christmas for me. What griefs do you carry with you into Christmas? I say invite them! Name these griefs out loud. Sing the carols, cherish the memories, hang the stockings, cry the tears, bake the cookies, and don't try to hold the dizzying agony at bay. Instead, invite it, and let your grief feel the full weight of Christmas:

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned... For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:2, 6

A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit. The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him - the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of might, the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord - and he will delight in the fear of the Lord. Isaiah 11:1-3

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. John 14:3

'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Revelation 21:4

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23.

When our griefs feel the full weight of Christmas, we have hope and we feel our gratitude and joy more fully. Let's invite grief this Christmas.

A song that beautifully illustrates this idea is "O Come All You Unfaithful." I am loving the acoustic version that was released this year: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FA1aV4mqCk&list=RD_FA1aV4mqCk&start_radio=1

Return

For six years I have been participating in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF). The first three years we were living in eastern Washington, and I participated in person at a local church. The last three years I have been participating online. Each year BSF groups around the world study the same book or books of the Bible together. This year’s study is called “Exile and Return” and covers the books of Ezekiel, Daniel, Ezra, Esther, Haggai, Zechariah, Nehemiah, and Malachi. These books cover the time period after the exile into Babylon until the end of the Old Testament.

Every year God has used these studies to speak to my broken heart. One thing that really stood out to me about this year’s study (so far) is how quickly we got to the “Return” part of the study. For some reason I was expecting the return to be something we looked forward to all study long, like the resurrection when we studied Matthew or the new heaven and new earth when we studied Revelation. Instead, about two months into the study year, God’s people were returning from their exile in Babylon to Jerusalem, rebuilding the temple and reinstituting the sacrificial system, weeping for what was lost, and celebrating what now was. While the return is rocky, it is a return, just as God had prophesied.

This caught me off guard and caused me to ask myself: what part of my story am I only looking for the future, eternal, and complete restoration, instead of also looking for what God is doing right now? How am I acting like an exile when maybe I should also be looking for an opportunity to return or be restored?

As we studied the first wave of returning exiles in the book of Ezra, we also looked briefly at Psalm 126, which is about the return of the exiles.

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
We were like those who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
Our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
“The Lord has done great things for them.”
The Lord has done great things for us,
And we are filled with joy.

Restore our fortunes, Lord,
Like streams in the Negev.
Those who sow with tears
Will reap with songs of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
Carrying seed to sow,
Will return with songs of joy,
Carrying sheaves with them.

These verses have taken on a clearer meaning as I think about not only the restoration God is about in heaven, but also the one I can experience now. I think it also shows a new step in my grief journey, as it now seems possible to believe that God could restore some of what was lost to me when Oliver died while I am still living on the earth. Before I couldn’t imagine any part of the restoration happening until I was with Jesus and Oliver in heaven. I don’t know what this looks like, but I will be looking for God moving and keeping his promises here on earth.

Restoration

This summer I decided to refinish my dining room table. My husband and I originally bought the table right before we moved to Alaska. Before this we had been living in married student housing and didn’t need any furniture. I distinctly remember sitting at the table as we debated the purchase, thinking the solid oak, Amish-made table would be in our family forever. Unfortunately, the finish had become tacky, there was a fair bit of evidence of my daughter’s paint, glitter, and glue days, and the honey color hadn’t matched anything in any of our houses in over 10 years and wasn’t going to look great in our new house full of pine paneling. But it was still sturdy and held so many memories, and I wanted to continue using it to eat dinner at nightly. I researched different options, found a YouTube tutorial of someone refinishing a very similar table and chair set to mine that I loved the look of, and decided to go for it. Along the way I learned a few things about refinishing, but mostly God used the experience to help me reflect and marvel at the power of His restoration.

I didn't take a before pictures, but here is our table
from an Easter meal in April 2025.

To refinish something means to put something new on top of something old. When I redid my table, it looked better than when I had started (at times I doubted this would be true) but not nearly as nice as it looked on the showroom floor 19 years ago. However, God’s restoration is so much more than putting something new on top of something old. According to Bible Hub:

Restoration in the biblical context refers to the act of returning something to its original state or bringing back to a former position or condition. It is a recurring theme throughout the Scriptures, symbolizing God's redemptive work in the lives of individuals and nations. Restoration encompasses physical, spiritual, and relational aspects, reflecting God's desire to renew and heal His creation (https://biblehub.com/topical/r/restoration.htm).

The Bible is full of examples of God’s restoration. This is in no way an exhaustive list, but in a brainstorming session with my daughter in the car the other day we came up with:

1. God restores people into right relationship with Him through the gift of His Son.

Romans 5:6-11 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, have been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

2. Through the work of sanctification, He restores our sinful selves into ever growing Christlikeness.

2 Cor 3:18 And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

3. He will restore all of Creation in the final days.

Romans 8:19-21 For creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

4. He restored the life of His Son after his death on the cross and promises to restore the life and body of all who have died in faith.

1 Thes 4:14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.

5. He restores what was lost because of the just consequences of our own sinful actions.

Joel 2:25-26 “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten---the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm---my great army that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed.

6. He restored the exiled remnant back to the land.

Psalm 126:1-3 When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.

7. He restores what we have lost because we have taken up our cross and followed him.

Luke 18:29-30 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to them, “no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.”

8. He will restore everything in the final days.

Acts 21:1-5 Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Applying stripper

Finally got a chair done!

Obviously from this list, we can also see that God’s restoration isn’t anything like my attempts to refinish a table. My refinishing is imperfect. There are paint drips and places where the whitewash is unevenly applied. The finish I used gets little hairline scratches easily that drive me crazy when they catch the light while I eat dinner (my husband and daughter swear they can’t see them!). Ultimately, the table and chairs didn’t turn out like I expected after watching the video, purchasing the same supplies, and attempting the same methods. God’s restoration however is perfect. The end product is better than it was before. While God’s restoration on this side of heaven is not like I expect, it is exactly like God expects and infinitely beyond anything I could imagine.

I am an inexperienced refinisher, and it shows. I was learning as I went the whole project. At one point I had to completely scrap the plan and switch from using a stain to using a paint wash. I never would have finished without the help of my daughter. God is wonderfully experienced at restoration. It is in His very nature. He doesn’t need my help or the help of anyone else.

My refinishing is time-consuming and took a million times longer than I expected. I started after we got home from visiting our house in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan over the 4th of July and thought I would be able to complete the project before we went to the UP again three weeks later. Instead each step of the process required over a week to complete, I went to Home Depot at least eight times, I got bogged down with decision fatigue and my inability to get things right, I wasn’t finished by the time volleyball and school started up again in the middle of August, and my husband and daughter had to force me to stick with the project and keep working. I didn’t finish until the end of September! God’s restoration is never slow or late. Sometimes we may get tired of waiting for God to finish, but we can trust He is working things out in His perfect timing.

It's fun and unexpected when God takes something simple in our lives and uses it to teach us a bigger lesson. I hope I never forget the wonder over God’s restoration that I experienced as I worked on my little table. Thanks for letting me share it with you!

Finished product, an "action" rather than staged photo