I ran across a social media post the other day which said, "No one invites grief for Christmas". In its full context the author was pointing out how hard it was as a grieving person to be around people who are making merry and expecting you to do the same even if you are grieving. Thankfully, I have been blessed to be around family and friends who have been understanding of my grief. I also say, "Invite grief for Christmas!"
Grief has always been a part of Christmas. Mary and Joseph were away from family, had ruined reputations, and couldn't find a place to stay. It's hard to picture shepherds without thinking about some of the hardships they must have faced. Mary heard from Simeon, "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too." (Luke 2:34b-35). The kings brought gifts but also the wrath of Herod, and Mary, Joseph, and Jesus had to flee for Egypt while all the boys in Bethlehem under the age of two were killed. And the whole reason Jesus came was to bear our sorrows. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:4
Grief has always been a part of Christmas. Early Christians chose to celebrate Christmas on December 25th, during a dark, cold, hungry month of the year. Family members pass away and are no longer with us at Christmas. We fail to love one another well and get along. Wars and disasters are commonplace. The work of preparing for Christmas is stressful. We are often called to wait. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, grieving the death of his wife and the serious Civil War injury to his son, wrote in "I Heard the Bells of Christmas Day": And in despair I bowed by head: "There is no peace on earth," I said, "For hate is strong, and mocks the song Of peace on earth, good will to men."
Grief has always been a part of Christmas. Each person has their own unique circumstances that bring them grief. Military deployments, being far from home, the loss of my sister, the loss of my son, a season of waiting, and a friend with cancer have marked and continue to mark Christmas for me. What griefs do you carry with you into Christmas? I say invite them! Name these griefs out loud. Sing the carols, cherish the memories, hang the stockings, cry the tears, bake the cookies, and don't try to hold the dizzying agony at bay. Instead, invite it, and let your grief feel the full weight of Christmas:
The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned... For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:2, 6
A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit. The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him - the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of might, the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord - and he will delight in the fear of the Lord. Isaiah 11:1-3
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. John 14:3
'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Revelation 21:4
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23.
When our griefs feel the full weight of Christmas, we have hope and we feel our gratitude and joy more fully. Let's invite grief this Christmas.
A song that beautifully illustrates this idea is "O Come All You Unfaithful." I am loving the acoustic version that was released this year: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FA1aV4mqCk&list=RD_FA1aV4mqCk&start_radio=1
For six years I have been participating in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF). The first three years we were living in eastern Washington, and I participated in person at a local church. The last three years I have been participating online. Each year BSF groups around the world study the same book or books of the Bible together. This year’s study is called “Exile and Return” and covers the books of Ezekiel, Daniel, Ezra, Esther, Haggai, Zechariah, Nehemiah, and Malachi. These books cover the time period after the exile into Babylon until the end of the Old Testament.
Every year God has used these studies to speak to my broken heart. One thing that really stood out to me about this year’s study (so far) is how quickly we got to the “Return” part of the study. For some reason I was expecting the return to be something we looked forward to all study long, like the resurrection when we studied Matthew or the new heaven and new earth when we studied Revelation. Instead, about two months into the study year, God’s people were returning from their exile in Babylon to Jerusalem, rebuilding the temple and reinstituting the sacrificial system, weeping for what was lost, and celebrating what now was. While the return is rocky, it is a return, just as God had prophesied.
This caught me off guard and caused me to ask myself: what part of my story am I only looking for the future, eternal, and complete restoration, instead of also looking for what God is doing right now? How am I acting like an exile when maybe I should also be looking for an opportunity to return or be restored?
As we studied the first wave of returning exiles in the book of Ezra, we also looked briefly at Psalm 126, which is about the return of the exiles.
When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
We were like those who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
Our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
“The Lord has done great things for them.”
The Lord has done great things for us,
And we are filled with joy.
Restore our fortunes, Lord,
Like streams in the Negev.
Those who sow with tears
Will reap with songs of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
Carrying seed to sow,
Will return with songs of joy,
Carrying sheaves with them.
These verses have taken on a clearer meaning as I think about not only the restoration God is about in heaven, but also the one I can experience now. I think it also shows a new step in my grief journey, as it now seems possible to believe that God could restore some of what was lost to me when Oliver died while I am still living on the earth. Before I couldn’t imagine any part of the restoration happening until I was with Jesus and Oliver in heaven. I don’t know what this looks like, but I will be looking for God moving and keeping his promises here on earth.
