Where Am I?

When I attended my brother's wedding a few weeks ago, I was able to connect with some family members I haven't talked to in a while who have been reading my blog. And it came to my attention I have been a little too confusing about where I am and what I have been up to. So let's go ahead and rectify that!

In the beginning of July, my family and I moved from Kentucky to the Detroit Metro area of Michigan. My husband is stationed here with the Army. It is a big career milestone assignment, and I am proud of his accomplishments and amazed we get to be closer than we have ever been to our parents during our time with the Army. We found a great house to rent near my husband's aunt, two of his cousins, and their families. His cousins also homeschool, and we feel very blessed to have ready-made friends to do school, sports, and family life with.

As we move again and again with the military, my husband and I have been dreaming of and looking for a place of our own in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. (If you are not from the midwest, Michigan is made of two peninsulas. The lower peninsula is surrounded by Lake Michigan to the west and Lake Huron to the east. These two great lakes are connected by a strait in the north. If you cross the strait on a bridge, you are now in the Upper Peninsula, which is known for its forests, Lake Superior, and yooper accents). My husband was born in the UP, we both went to college in the UP, and anytime we visit we breathe deeper and want to stay forever. This summer we purchased a small house, large barn, and forty acres of fields and woods seven miles from my in-laws and fifteen miles from Lake Superior in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. We will be visiting as often as we can while we live in the Detroit Metro, and God willing will settle there permanently someday.

We have LOVED our summer in Michigan. For so many years of my adult life I have lived somewhere that feels too hot and/or humid for my liking. It still shocks me most days when I go outside and find it isn't uncomfortable (and if it is we just jump in the pool, so spoiled). My mom recently sent me a text with a new word that she learned: zugunruhe, the restless urge to migrate. That's not what I am feeling as summer winds down. Instead I want to grab hold of each beautiful day and keep it for a little while longer. I want to embrace and remember each moment. I love fall and winter, but I am not ready for this summer to end. I remember feeling that way as a child. We would go on a shorter camping trip in both June and July and then a week long camping trip in August. I would always cry as our August trip was winding down, not wanting the fun of swimming, fishing, hiking, and campfires to be over. My mom started planning a weekend camping trip in the fall so I would have more fun to look forward to. I think I better do the same for myself this year!

As summer transitions to fall, my husband has been busy with work, and my daughter and I have slowly been adding in our school year activities. First, we started our school subjects that only require the two of us, then her volleyball season started, and then the co-op we joined began last week. We are planning to start math with her cousins next week and a Bible study the week after that. It's always overwhelming getting all the spinning plates into the air at the beginning of a semester, but I think it is going to be a good mix of individual, small group, and large group work and play!

It feels like a lot of things really fell into place for us this summer. We just keep pinching ourselves and saying thank you to the God who is worthy of our trust in the mountains and the valleys. When I think back to those foggy days right after Oliver passed and how impossible it was to dream of a future, I just stand in awe that somehow God brought us to this spot. And yet there is a lingering sadness. It is a weird feeling to know that more good days are still ahead as are new challenges and struggles, to be so grateful for what we have, to want to hold onto these moments forever, and yet to wish I could trade all the success and fulfilled dreams for just a moment or two with Oliver. 

One thing we learned from the loss of Oliver is we only get today, this moment. Where am I? I'm in a backyard swimming pool eating watermelon and shivering because the nights are getting cooler and the water temperatures along with. I'm driving busy, seemingly endless, unfamiliar roads to get to a homeschool volleyball game mostly on time. I'm correcting science tests for the first time because she's in 8th grade now and has transcripts in her future. Where am I? Hopefully right where I need to be.  

A Quick Thought on Doubt

Sometimes I write brave and hard things on here about faith, hope, and life after crushing disappointment. Things like this quote from my post about Oliver's diabetes: "Let's fix our eyes on the unseen behind these circumstances, trusting God that in the end these struggles are just stepping stones to who God created us to be." I write and publish those things, and I believe them with most of my heart. However, afterwards I often walk around with a feeling of heaviness, sadness, and doubt. I say with the father of the boy possessed by an impure spirit in Mark 9, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief." 

This side of heaven, human words can be helpful, true, and faith-building. They are also insufficient to express everything we feel or to help us reason away all doubt and grief. Instead, we trust that His grace is sufficient and remember our faith is a gift of God. Our doubts and other feelings keep us daily relying on Jesus. He is the Constant One, the Steady One, the True Overcomer. All praise and glory and honor belongs to Him.

Getting ready to stand up in my brother's wedding
last weekend!

It was such a beautiful day celebrating with family!

Watching the boats at my husband's work picnic. I love winter and
fall, but I have forgotten how hard these Michigan summers are to 
so good-bye to!

A Parenting Lesson Learned from Child Loss

I fear I am a worse parent after losing Oliver. Sure, I have a lot more empathy and mercy to give than I did before, but I have lost so much brain power and energy to grief. I have leaned on my daughter just to get out of bed on too many mornings. And she has become too precious to me for me to effectively give consequences or withhold any good thing from her that is in my power to give her. Somehow she is a pretty amazing kid anyway. Thankfully parenting isn't about doing everything right. My husband and I joke (but really mean it) that she is spoiled, but hopefully not rotten.

There is one area where maybe I do this parenting thing a little better than I used to. Whenever we are faced with a challenging situation with our daughter, I hope I am better than I used to be about asking myself if this situation is going to go away on its own with time. Is this just a stage? Is this age appropriate? Does this reflect the development that she is currently experiencing? And if those statements are true (they usually are), I try to relax, to trust and pray, to model the behavior I want to see in her, to sermonize a little (her words not mine although she wouldn't say a little), to hold some boundaries, and watch her grow. I don't need to fix things. I know now that life is too short and precious to stress and worry and lay down the law about things that time and God are going to take care of on their own.

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Matthew 6:28-30

On Diabetes and What Remains

When Oliver was two and a half, he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. He was unusually grumpy, tired, hungry, and thirsty. He started going to the bathroom all the time. At first it was just a little more often than usual, but then it started being every thirty minutes, and then every twenty minutes, and the last day before his diagnosis it felt like he was going to the bathroom every fifteen minutes. When we called to make an appointment, the doctor’s office wanted to see us right away. They took a urine sample as we arrived and a blood finger prick minutes later. Within fifteen minutes of arriving they had already told us it was type 1 diabetes and sent us to the children's hospital closest to our house. He stayed in the PICU one night and then in the hospital through the weekend as we waited to receive our training in caring for him. I had been aware his symptoms might be pointing to diabetes, but I thought it unlikely and also had no idea the diagnosis could happen so quickly.

A few days before diagnosis. He was constantly hungry.

At the time, it was such a big deal. Diabetes requires constant management and vigilance. There are no days off. We counted carbs and measured all of his food, tested his blood sugar six or more times a day, and gave him insulin in the form of shots. We visited a specialist every three months, tried to keep up with his prescriptions, referrals, and ever changing body, and watched for signs of low or high blood sugars. We carried juice boxes, glucose tabs, test strips, and a glucagon emergency kit everywhere we went. Eventually he got an insulin pump and a continuous glucose monitor, which made life easier and helped us control his diabetes better, but were also more things to carry, worry about, monitor, and maintain.

Oliver took it all like a champ. He said his shots made him feel better and that was that. My husband and I were sad, disappointed, and scared. We did our best to stand on our faith that had been tested by deployments and postpartum challenges. I did a Bible study on Ephesians 3:20-21 by Priscilla Shirer shortly after his diagnosis and was reminded that our God is able: “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” I realized through the questions in the study that although I often asked God for help managing Oliver’s diabetes, occasionally prayed for medical advancements, and on hard days imagined that God would miraculously heal Oliver of his diabetes, God was able to do immeasurably more than that. More than I could ask or imagine.

At the hospital

Oliver lived with diabetes for over eight years before he passed away unexpectedly from an unrelated heart condition. We sat in the hospital room with him and tried to say good-bye. Right before we left, we removed his insulin pump and his continuous glucose monitor. He was now free from a life of chronic illness. We remembered he was free of sin and death as well. We were left with a lot of questions regarding his diabetes. Why would God have allowed him to have diabetes if he was going to die because of a problem with his heart? Why did he die suddenly because of his heart when in my head I had already fearfully pictured him dying because of a dangerously low or high blood sugar a thousand or more times?

Home again!

Then suddenly the questions were gone. The challenges of Oliver’s diabetes were part of what made him a helpful, hardworking, kind kid, and we didn’t need to know any more than that. It turns out while Oliver’s diabetes felt big and life-defining, it must not have been because I hardly think about it anymore (I did find a test strip in my duffel bag when I was packing the other day and do still have a visceral, full-body fight-or-flight response when I hear an alarm that sounds the same as those on his insulin pump or continuous glucose monitor). When I remember him or tell others about him, I don't think about diabetes. I think about his dimples, how red and sweaty his face would get when he was hot, and how he loved to help his grandparents on their farms. I think about the LEGO creations he made that still sit in my den. I think about his laugh, how proud he was of his sister, trips to the zoo, camping, and surviving two winters in Alaska with a baby.

This feels like a taste of heaven, when all our tears will be wiped away. This gives me hope in my present challenges, struggles, and concerns. I am reminded they will fade away, redemption is coming. Just as Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 4:17-18: "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." It's an interesting balance. Our challenges matter to us and to God. We are not called to just brush them under the rug or say it isn't hard. The sacrifices my husband and I took to take diligent care of Oliver's diabetes and teach him to do the same mattered. The pain Oliver experienced because of his diabetes mattered. And yet I am starting to see the truth that it is the character, growth, and joy that remain.

What challenges and worries are you facing today that feel life-defining? What hard things is God calling you to do? Let's fix our eyes on the unseen behind these circumstances, trusting God that in the end these struggles are just stepping stones to who God created us to be.

Homeschool Plan for the 2024-2025 School Year

My most read blog post is actually the one I wrote about our homeschool day (https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/03/janets-homeschool-day-in-life-with-13.html). This makes me think a few people might like to hear about my approach to planning the school year and our curriculum picks for the upcoming year.

My Approach to Planning

For a number of years I used Pam Barnhill’s free homeschool planning pages. They are available here: https://pambarnhill.com/homeschool-planner-2/. She also has various blog posts and YouTube videos about the pages as well as a paid version with more content. I no longer use the exact pages, but still incorporate many of the same ideas. In general I:

1. Spend too much time researching and brainstorming options as this is the fun part for me

2. Think about what went well last year, what areas I want to improve upon, how much time and money we have for curriculum, what my daughter is interested in learning, etc.

3. Write down some goals for the year, what subjects I want to cover, and what outside classes or groups we might want to participate in

4. Start matching up resources with my subject list

5. Cut things from my list because whatever I can get from the library is more than good enough

6. Write what Pam calls a procedure list, which is a short statement of how we plan to use the resources for each subject

For example, we really liked the science book we used last year, so I didn’t waste TOO much time researching other science curricula, but instead chose to use the next book by the same publisher. After looking at the other subjects and resources on my list, I also knew that I should buy the lab kit and the audio book so that science could be a subject my daughter could work through more independently, which would free me up to be more involved in teaching language arts with a variety of books from the library. The procedure list I wrote for science was short: "4-5 days a week read or listen to the next section in the book, complete any required labs, complete the comprehension questions, and report back to me with a short narration about the information in the section. At the end of each chapter, complete the chapter review, talk to me about the test, study for the test, and finally complete the test." These procedure lists guide our days for the first couple of weeks while we find our rhythm. Eventually they get put away as we tweak things and generally learn what it looks like for us to consistently do the next thing in this new school year.

The curriculum is starting to arrive and get mixed in with the 
catalogs and back-of-the-envelop planning pages.

Hopefully the comfort animal is getting ready for the new school year too!

Our Plans for the 2024-2025 School Year

My daughter will be an 8th grader this year! My goal for the year is to take advantage of the freedom, flexibility, and creativity we have as homeschoolers while also preparing my daughter to take high school classes. One thing that is different for us this year is we are living in the same town as two of my husband's cousins. They both homeschool and have invited us to do some classes together with them! We will also be joining a local homeschool co-op which meets once a week and has a mixture of academic and enrichment classes for students.

We have always started our day with morning time, which for us has mostly meant sitting on the couch together reading books. This year I am planning for our morning time to include playing wordle and quordle together, watching CNN10 (a middle and high school current events program), reading aloud a chapter or so from a fiction and non-fiction title, and exploring one more short topic of interest. I haven't decided what fiction title we are going to start with, but for non-fiction I am planning to read "Woven: Understanding the Bible as One Seamless Story" by Angie Smith. For our topic of interest we are going to start with reading some poems about dogs. My daughter would tell you these morning time plans seem a little long, but she isn't worried because she knows I will cut it down to size after about three days.

I always treat the Bible as a subject. In addition to incorporating Bible study into some of our morning time things, my daughter will also be attending Bible Study Fellowship on-line this year. They are studying Revelation. She will also be taking a worldview class with her cousins called "Lightbearers", which is published by Summit Ministries, and likely attending a Youth Group once we settle on which church to attend in our new location.

For Language Arts, we are using All About Spelling and Great Explorations in Editing to cover spelling and grammar. My daughter will also be taking a creative writing class at a homeschool co-op once a week. I am also going to have her choose books from a booklist to read, record in a reading journal, and respond to with essays and other creative choices. The booklist will mostly contain books related to her geography class.

For Math, my daughter is going to take Algebra 1 with her cousins! This is such an answer to prayer. I have been wanting my daughter to be able to take a math class from someone other than me for a long time. I still feel comfortable doing the math, but I have been struggling to explain the math more each year. In exchange, I get to teach language arts to two of her cousins who are in 2nd and 4th grade. So fun! So thankful!

For Science we will be using Berean Builder's Discovering Design with Earth Science. For Social Studies my daughter will be taking a world geography class at co-op, which we will supplement with literature at home. For electives, in addition to the topics of interest included in morning time, my daughter will also be taking a painting class and a drama class at co-op, taking on-line piano lessons through outschool, and playing volleyball and softball. She will also do lots of arts and crafts, gardening, dog care, and nature exploration in her free time.

Conclusion

I always love hearing what others are up to in their homeschools. I love the ideas. I love the similarities and the differences. I love the freedom we have to change things up or stay the course. Here's to a wonderful year of learning together. May we find God's glory in each subject and may His grace be more than sufficient for each new day.