Start Here!

One of my blogging goals for 2025 was to create a landing page that organizes what I have already written. Here it is! 

Welcome! Carrying Sheaves is a blog where I write about my grief journey in losing my son, Oliver, in 2019 at the age of 10. The name is taken from Psalm 126:5-6 Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them. I also write about faith and family. It is an old-school blog, written in diary format, and can be read forwards or backwards using the month-by-month archive at the bottom of the page. There you can also find a subscribe button, which will deliver new posts to your email as they publish. 

Below, I included an outline of sorts, which puts the posts into categories. Hopefully the outline will make it easier for a new reader to find posts of interest. 

Happy Reading!

Janet

1. The Beginning

1. Welcome to Carrying Sheaves - a quick introduction to who I am https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2023/12/

2. Why Now? - on why I choose to begin writing 4 ½ years after my son passed away https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2023/12/why-now.html

3. Love Story - a look at how my husband and I met and built our family by God’s grace https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/02/love-story.html

4. One Thousand Gifts - on how the book One Thousand Gifts and the practice of gratitude shaped and prepared me for the trials to come https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/01/one-thousand-gifts.html

5. The First Tears - a post about the loss of my sister, MaryJo https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/03/the-first-tears.html

6. The Story - a post about the days right before and right after Oliver died, a testimony to God’s sovereignty and faithfulness https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/02/the-story.html

2. Sowing with Tears

1. Sowing with Tears - a post about how the blog got it’s name and all I have learned through Psalm 126:5-6 https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/01/sowing-with-tears.html

2. Tension - an acknowledgement that everyone grieves differently and this creates tension in our relationships https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/01/tension.html?m=1 

3. Book Review: Through the Eyes of a Lion - a review of the book that had the most influence on me in my early grief journey and continues to provide hope and help today https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/01/book-review-through-eyes-of-lion.html

4. Songs for Mourning with Hope - a few song recommendations that have been a big help to me as I grieved https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/02/songs-for-mourning-with-hope.html

5. 10,000 Reasons - a look at how God used a song to help me grieve both Oliver and MaryJo https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/04/10000-reasons.html

6. Memories are Funny Things - on what happens to memories and a reminder to remember and press on https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/11/memories-are-funny-things.html

3. Carrying Seeds

1. Harvest from God’s Word - a look at all God taught me about grief as I opened my Bible each week for three years with a Bible Study Fellowship group in eastern Washington https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/02/harvest-from-gods-word.html

2. Answers to Prayer - a post describing how God taught me to pray again after the loss of Oliver https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/04/answers-to-prayer.html

3. Called to Tell Our Stories - how God reminded me that we are called to share the stories of God’s faithfulness to us with others https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/04/called-to-tell-our-stories.html

4. Early Lessons from Sharing My Story - a few things I have learned from writing the blog and taking other opportunities to share my story of the loss of Oliver and God’s faithfulness in our grief https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/04/early-lessons-from-sharing-my-story.html

5. I Wanted to Throw the Book… I Made a List Instead - a list of ways God is at work in our suffering https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/05/i-wanted-to-throw-book-i-made-list.html

6. Reap that Joy - a song by Rend Collective based on Psalm 126 https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/11/rend-collective-reap-that-joy.html

4. Fear

1. Fear After Child Loss - the first post in a series about the fear I felt after the loss of Oliver https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/05/fear-after-child-loss.html

2. God Gave Us Ash - a look at the way God used our dog to help me feel the fear I needed to work through https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/05/god-gave-us-ash.html

3. More Thoughts on Fear: habits, grace, afraid of being afraid - the final post in the series about fear after child loss https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/05/god-gave-us-ash.html

4. Why Are You Afraid? - a question that can help in the face of mounting fears https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/09/why-are-you-afraid.html

5. Grief Stirred

1. Maple Syrup Making and Reflections on Family - a post describing facing grief, letting it stir up feelings, and trusting that it will settle a little more comfortably after each stirring https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/03/maple-syrup-making-and-reflections-on.html

2. The Body of Christ - a post about grieving, remembering, and celebrating with others https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/03/the-body-of-christ.html

3. Happy Easter! - a look at the special meaning Easter takes on after the loss of a loved one https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/03/happy-easter.html

4. Five Years - a letter to Oliver written five years after his passing https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/07/five-years.html

5. A Quick Thought on Doubt https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/08/a-quick-thought-on-doubt.html

6. Milestones - a look at the challenges on facing milestones after child loss https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/09/milestones.html

6. God at Work

1. My Writing Journey - a look at how childhood dreams of being an author came true in unexpected ways https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/06/my-writing-journey.html

2. A Mom’s Perspective on Siblings and Child Loss - on answering the question: could I believe that my daughter’s faith would not be destroyed by this valley but that God would build it here? https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/06/a-moms-perspective-on-siblings-and.html

3. Blessings - a look at how God longs to bless us right now and the many shapes that can take https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/07/blessings.html

4. Fruitful - a post about how God tends his garden https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/07/fruitful.html

5. A Parenting Lesson Learned From Child Loss - https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/08/a-parenting-lesson-learned-from-child.html

6. A Reminder from Glorious Autumn - a quick look at how God’s ways are better than our ways https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/10/a-reminder-from-glorious-autumn.html

7. Healing Grace in Children’s Books - a list of children’s books that have helped me and my family in our grief https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/10/healing-grace-in-childrens-books.html

8. Nothing is Wasted - a review of the Nothing is Wasted podcast and book https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/10/nothing-is-wasted.html

9. Perfection - a look at letting go of perfection and watching God do the work https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/11/perfection.html

7. Eternity

1. Work in Heaven: A Fresh Perspective - a look at the question: what will we be doing in heaven? https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/07/work-in-heaven-fresh-perspective.html

2. On Diabetes and What Remains - a few thoughts on Oliver’s diabetes diagnosis and how I remember him now https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/08/homeschool-plan-for-2024-2025-school.html

3. A Sweet and Golden 16 - a look at birthdays and Psalm 84:10a Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/10/a-sweet-and-golden-16.html

4. To the Victorious - a post about Revelation 2-3 and the eternal rewards God promises those who remain faithful to Him https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/11/to-victorious.html 

5. Today - as we look forward to eternity, grief also reminds us the only day we are promised is today https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/12/today.html

8. Homeschooling and Other Random Updates

1. Light of Christmas - a few update pictures from Christmas 2024 - https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/01/light-of-christmas.html

2. Janet’s Homeschool Day in the Life (with a 13-year-old) - a post about what an ordinary day looks like in our homeschool https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/03/janets-homeschool-day-in-life-with-13.html

3. Things I Don’t Want to Throw - a list of things I was loving in May 2024 https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/05/things-i-dont-want-to-throw.html

4. Thoughts While Traveling - a quote from a Eugene Peterson book and marveling at a God who knows, sees, understands, forgives, extends grace, blesses, and redeems in the midst of the hard, the impossible, the ordinary, the exciting, the nerve wracking, and the memorable https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/06/thoughts-while-traveling.html

5. Homeschool Plan for the 2024-2025 School Year - a look at my approach to planning and what I have planned for the 2024-2025 school year https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/08/homeschool-plan-for-2024-2025-school.html

6. Where Am I? - an update on my life from August 2024 https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/08/where-am-i.html

7. Counting My Blessings - a week of gratitude from September 2024 https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/09/counting-my-blessings.html

8. A Thanksgiving List - November 2024 https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/11/a-thanksgiving-list.html

9. Things I am Loving This Christmas Season - December 2024 https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/12/things-i-am-loving-this-christmas-season.html

10. Blogging in the New Year - blogging goals for 2025 https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/12/blogging-in-new-year.html

9. Devotional 

1. Rush Your Life - a few thoughts from the Song “Take Your Time” by Joseph O’Brien https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/01/rush-your-life.html

2. Laughing in Church - a timely reminder to worship and not to worry about what to eat and what to wear https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/02/laughing-in-church.html

3. Fruitful - a look at leaning on God https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/09/fruitful.html

4. The Lord Has Done Great Things for Us - an advent devotional https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/12/the-lord-has-done-great-things-for-us.html

Resources for Mourning with Hope

As I work to organize the blog posts I have already written, I realized I wanted to pull out a separate page for resources that have been most helpful to me as I strive to mourn with hope. Here is a list of those resources, and the posts I wrote relating to them (this list formats weird on my mobile device for some reason, but looks fine on my computer).

1. One Thousand Gifts (book) - https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/01/one-thousand-gifts.html

2. Through the Eyes of a Lion (book) - https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/01/book-review-through-eyes-of-lion.html

3. Songs for Mourning with Hope - https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/02/songs-for-mourning-with-hope.html

4. Healing Grace in Children’s Books - https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/10/healing-grace-in-childrens-books.html
5. Nothing is Wasted (podcast and book) - https://carryingsheaves.blogspot.com/2024/10/nothing-is-wasted.html

Eternity in the Human Heart

Winter has always been my favorite season. I love the newness and quietness of snow and the beauty of each snowflake. I love all kinds of outdoor winter activities. My childhood memories are full of snowmen, snow forts, sledding, ice skating, ice fishing, and cross-country skiing. As an adult, despite not always living somewhere that gets substantial amounts of snow, I have made tons of memories in the snow with my own kids, living in Alaska, visiting my parents and my in-laws at Christmas and maple sugar season, sledding down a huge hill in our backyard in Nebraska, making due with dustings of snow in Missouri, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Kansas, and driving to the snowy mountains in Washington. Now that I live in Michigan, I have been looking forward to endless days of snowy adventures.

This year I was able to spend most of December at our house in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. My daughter, dog, and I arrived to over six inches of snow on the ground with more in the forecast each day. I spent a wonderful first few weeks cross-country skiing and snowshoeing, only complaining about the shoveling a little. But then once my husband arrived, the snow stopped falling and the forecast showed a weeklong warming trend on the horizon. I couldn't believe how disappointed I was. Hadn't the blissful days I already experienced been enough? Why this shockingly strong feeling for more and more?

I confessed my ingratitude and distrust in God's plan, but my discontentment continued. I confessed again, both to God and to several people who know me best, but I couldn't find any relief for my feelings and longings for more. More perfect weather. More cross-country skiing. More snow-filled adventures. I finally found relief after reading an Advent devotional by Dr. Greg E. Ganssle called "Seeking, Searching, and Finding", published by the Biola University Center for Christianity Culture and the Arts as part of The Advent Project 2024 (https://ccca.biola.edu/advent/2024/seeking-searching-finding. In his devotional, the author reminded me: "The cry for everything is our relentless desire. Our nearly hypnotic quest is not something to tame, to discipline, to repent. It is the seed of the image into which we were made. There is a taste of eternity in our hearts. It bubbles to the surface in this quest."

While I will still be confessing ingratitude and distrust the next time I feel these feelings, I will also be shifting my perspective and remembering that I was made for eternity. When I feel longing for more time with MaryJo and Oliver, I will try to remember that this longing points me to the eternity God has placed in my heart. When I see the same ingratitude and distrust I feel in other people's attitudes as well, I hope that I will give them some grace and see the eternity their hearts are hoping for and revealing too. "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecc. 3:11.

Oliver enjoying a dusting of snow in Kansas

Cross-country skiing with Oliver in Alaska

Of course, the funny thing is, the snow melted, but it didn't stop us from having fun or making special memories with the people we love the most this Christmas season. In fact, we had a white Christmas and even got to sled and make snowmen with my young nephews the day after Christmas in the rapidly melting snow and have an epic snowball fight with my other nieces and nephews a few days later in the lingering remains of snow after the warm weather. God always gives us what we need, and so much more besides with so much more awaiting us in eternity. Our hearts know. 

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

I don't think I have ever walked on a Lake Superior beach in winter before

A snowman and a snowball fight in our future garden

Beauty everywhere, even in the melted snow turned to ice