It feels a little awkward to write this post. Sprinkled throughout each blog post are the people God put in my life to help me throughout my grief journey. I keep most of them anonymous to respect privacy on the internet. Many of the same people who supported me in my early grief still continue to support me now, reading this blog, reaching out with encouraging notes, and just being a friend. Ultimately, I kept coming back to gratitude. I am so grateful the Lord has put people (including each of you) in my life to help me. Thank you for the difference you made in my grief, my faith, my family, and my healing.
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| Oh to the have the time and space to find a picture of each one of you, share with you personally, and hug your neck! Someday! |
To my husband: You and I resolved to keep trusting God, to keep loving each other, to cling to what tiny bit of hope it felt like was left, to remember Oliver, to walk forward, and to make a great life for our daughter (and hopefully along the way, each other). Grief is intimate and lonely at the same time. I am so thankful to have had you to cling to as our life blew apart.
To my daughter: You pulled dad and me through our grief. We wanted to be in heaven with Oliver, and yet we knew we needed to be here on earth with you. You walked through your grief, and we followed, pulled along by your light and joy, your acceptance, and your child-like faith. For two years or more after Oliver died, I got out of bed not because I wanted to, but because you were there at my bedside, gently poking me awake and then patiently snuggling me until I was ready. When I needed to cry, you were always there with a hug and murmured sounds of compassion and encouragement. When I was afraid, your presence gave me reason to fight through it, your own fears reminded me to not be ashamed of mine, and your understanding helped me try again. As you continue to grieve, I pray that I can help you even just half as much as you have helped me.
To Ash: My list of "people" who helped us wouldn't be complete without a mention of your unconditional love and natural ability to comfort. When God gave us our dog, He gave us a constant reminder that He loves us and does in fact answer prayer.
To our parents and siblings: You were an anchor in the storm. Grieving too, you offered support, comfort, tears, and laughter. Your steady presence reminded us that God was still present with us too. You didn't want to walk this road either, but you never wavered in encouraging us and accepting us. Thank you for loving Oliver. Thank you for loving us.
To our extended family and friends: People from Florida to Alaska and everywhere in between sent cards, food, gifts, and notes, filled with memories of Oliver and words expressing their heartbreak over our loss. One thing that remains frustrating for me is, despite my own experience, I still never know what to say when I go to offer condolences to someone else. But looking back, I would say it doesn't matter what you say or what gift you buy. What matters is that you took the time. It was so helpful to know that others were thinking about us, praying for us, and remembering Oliver fondly.
To those God called to play a bigger friendship role: You know who you are. I can never thank you enough. You drove across states to attend a funeral in Wisconsin. You helped us plan a memorial in Tennessee. You gently guided us and watched out for us as we entered back into our everyday life. You invited my daughter and me to do things with you when just breathing was hard and there were no words and few smiles. You patiently waited until I was ready to talk. You wisely asked questions when the Spirit told you it was time for me to talk. You listened without judging and gently reminded me of the truth. You loved me for who I was and saw a future for me and my family when I couldn't. You never grew tired of my grief. You never forgot how hard losing a child must be or that it could have been you and your family. Some of you knew Oliver and grieved him with us. Some of you only knew Oliver through our stories yet opened your heart and grieved him with us.
Thank you for being the body of Christ to us.
(for those looking for specific advice on how to support parents grieving the loss of a child, here is a helpful article by Tim Challies: https://www.challies.com/articles/things-you-can-say-to-grieving-parents/)
Proverbs 27:9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.
Galatians 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Phil 2:4 Not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
